Monday, 5 September 2016

Why can't I be happy being happy?

Well… hello, hello Mr #Daneyblogs… It has been a while hasn’t it? I’m writing tonight to give a wee nod to the fact that my blog has reached 1-year old AND not only that… it’s had over 3,200 views! How very cool! I’m so touched!

What a year it has been…

I’m typing tonight filled with a mixture of emotions. I feel proud of how far I’ve come in 1 year.

Due to my pluckiness to create THAT PR campaign… I’m now in a job where I’m valued. My creative ‘Dane-ness’ is encouraged and nurtured in a new and professional way. I get to wear a suit and look very dapper, and meet all kinds of really interesting and sound people. I even get to have fun playing a ukulele...

But there’s a catch…  

When I did all my creative initiatives last year, I thought that getting my job would solve all my battles with self-confidence. Pushing myself out my comfort zone. Professionalising myself and seeing things I’m working on coming to life...
Whilst that has happened professionally, personally, despite things going really well for the first time in… forever, I’m constantly picking battles and fights with myself, and it’s wearing me down if truth be told. Isn't this supposed to be my happy ending?
Why can't I be happy being happy?

I’ve made the odd flyaway comment about feeling down, but I’ve noticed it creep in more and more of late, and I’m using my writing as way of addressing and moving forward.

Weighing in…

I’ve noticed more and more that my weight is creeping back up. I’m trying to get more active, and eat better, but it seems the more I think about it, the more I want to eat.

I’ve realised more and more that whilst I’ve got the world and more in my life, I still have this emptiness where I turn to food to fill it.

Why though?

I’ve got the job I love. I’m in the flat I really like and am settled. I’ve got THE best friends anyone could have - who I truly am lucky to have. I’ve got an amazing family (Ma mum's still a wee LEGEND!). But, I still just have this icky, sticky, heart sinking feeling of sadness.

Is this just being human?

Humans do get their heart broken when their close wee aunty Jean passes away, humans do feel empty and disillusioned when the guy they thought was decent, turns out not to be. Humans do need to blog to get it all up what's going on in their head.

This blog has turned into a bit of a journey in its own right. But, I'm determined to climb aboard the positive train again and get the smile back behind my eyes. I’ve got too many reasons to smile to be shadowed by a frown.

Dane – remembering he’s human, even in 2016 xx